The NYC mass transit strike ended just in time for Tom & I to leave for RI. We took that as a Xmas miracle. We arrived Friday afternoon with aching feet (from all that walking) & began setting up my grandparents house for 30 family members. Tom was very into atmosphere this year, so he bought special soft bulbs & festive lights to get rid of that high school cafeteria feel. I cooked & argued with my grandmother on Saturday. She was in a mood. I just felt like nothing I did was right. She warmed up once she saw Tom hanging icicle lights all around her basement. We all did because he just had this expression of pure joy on his face as he worked on this project. There were lots of helping hands. My Aunt Jean & cousins all made a dish & my sis, mom & mom's fiance (she just got engaged last week) also pitched in big time. One of my uncles even ran errands for me & helped calm Momma down. So, I was able to relax a bit before everyone arrived. But, it just seemed as though no one was into the holiday spirit. Some family members seemed to be there out of a sense of obligation & not true desire. Someone announced that they didn't want to be there! Others said that the night just sucked! And it did in a way, but Tom & I both had a difficult time not taking it personally. I really don't know what to say. There was lots of tension & anxiety & just grossness. It's sad because Xmas Eve used to be such a highlight for most of my family. Maybe we've just become too big to all get together. There are now 4 generations all crowded into a pretty small space. I feel a sense of loss because it seems as though some family traditions may be coming to an end. Tom & I will spend next Xmas with his family, for the 1st time in 7 years. There will not be any feast of the seven fishes for us next year.

The true meaning of Xmas has been lost along the way. It's not about the sweaters, gift certificates or other material goods. I think it's about gratitude. I'm grateful for all those that pitched in & were truly happy to help. I'm so blessed that I still have my grandparents, even if they can be pains in the arses sometimes ( can't we all?). And I feel so very fortunate for my totally non-judgmental siblings. And my mom, who finally has found happiness. And my absolutely gorgeous nephew who thinks everything is so amusing. And my very pregnant cousin & her laid-back husband who let us stay with them & didn't get angry when Tom woke them up in the middle of the night singing his "let's do shots" song. And for Tom who tried (in vein) to get me to be calm this weekend. I could go on & on. Friends who love and accept you & family that would run to your rescue should all be treasured. Because all the gifts or money in the world doesn't hold a candle to that. Peace to all.

Posted by Dawn Falcone @ 11:58 PM 10 comments

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