I was inspired by some other blogging friends who wrote beautiful letters to loved ones that they lost. It's been over three years since Poppa died & I miss him so much.

Dear Poppa,

There is so much that I want to say to you, but first I have to tell you that I'm so sorry. I've been reliving the last day I spent with you over & over in mind. I'm filled with such regret about it that sometimes it's overwhelming. We were alone in the living room & you looked up at me and told me you were tired. At first I did not understand what you were trying to say. I asked if you wanted to you lie down. Then you put your hand on mine & said, "Dawn, Poppa is tired." I cannot even remember what my exact response was but I know I told you to hang on.

I wish I would have said; "Poppa, I understand. You can let go. You have been fighting this disease so valiantly & you are hanging on for us but you no longer have to. We love you so much and we will all be fine. You're the strongest & greatest man I know. It's OK to go."

I also wish that I held you just a bit longer when I said goodbye. I was in denial & thought I would see you again. I was coming back the very next weekend. Tom knew that it was going to be your last time together. He later told me that you both looked at each other with that knowledge & shared a beautiful moment when you kissed goodbye. I just was not ready Poppa to lose you. Or face the inevitable & for that I apologize.

I think about you up in heaven sitting around a big table playing cards (screw your neighbor, of course) with your mom & dad, Uncle Eddie & Ralph, Auntie Camella & Uncle Frank, Lena, even cousin Al. I know you're all drinking coffee or great grandpas homemade wine, cursing like sailors & smoking cigarettes. I'm pretty sure in heaven you can have them except they do not leave your clothes or breath smelling foul or make you sick.

You are never far from our thoughts. Words cannot express how much we miss you & your wisdom. I swear that I feel your presence from time to time shining through our little Leonardo Felix. He's a wonderful boy & you would have adored him. He definitely has some of your traits. He loves life to the fullest, is a fan of traveling and going on new adventures. And he a huge foodie. All foods not just sweets. He oohs & aahs at the sight of it & has a great passion for it just like you. And he even likes some of your music. Not the slow Lawerence Welk stuff, but big band/swing.

Tom put together a video of us cooking your famous Easter frittata from years ago & we watched it on Christmas. It was so nice to see you joking, laughing & uttering your favorite phrase, "Someina bitch!." Leo is the ultimate mimic & I'm sure if you two boys hung around he'd be saying it all over NY. Watching you so full of life made me feel such gratitude. I was truly blessed to have you as my grandfather.

Thank you Poppa for being there for me now matter what & loving me unconditionally. Fathers came and went but you were a constant in my life.

Thank you for making me feel special. That was one of your true gifts. You made everyone feel that way. I'm sure if you asked all of your grandkids who was your favorite we would all respond "me".

Thank you for teaching me the value of hard work. You worked your entire life even after you retired. It kept you active and young at heart. And it taught me that things are not just going to be handed to me. If I want something I have to go out there & preserve.

Thank you for being a feminist. You probably did not think of yourself as one but you were. You always told me that women we superior creatures. You thought we were stronger & smarter & we needed to be treated as such. You told me that I could do anything a man could do including changing a tire and you went on to show me. You made me feel like I could do anything or be anything. And that if a man did not treat me well he was not worth the time of day. That saved me from lots of heartache.

Thank you for showing me that life is about exploring. You were happiest when you were traveling. And spoke fondly about trips to Italy and Hawaii. You liked meeting new people and hearing their story. You were always open to new things especially if there was a buffet involved!


Thank you for showing me the definition of real man. You worked to support your family and never complained. You could fix anything from cars to bikes to toasters. You were built like an ox but you were also man enough to cry & show affection. You kissed and hugged us even as adults. No hand shakes for the boys either. Big bear hugs & smooches. Real men show emotion. You cried when someone you loved was hurting or when you told me the story about losing your mom when you were 12yrs old. You cried when you were proud of us or when your beloved Yankees won the big game. Showing vulnerability was not a sign of weakness in your book.

The first year you passed the family celebrated your life in church with a special mass. It was fine but just did not feel right. It seemed far too serious a way to celebrate the life of a man that really liked to go out & have fun. And while you believed in God, I do not remember you being a huge church goer. So my family and I began a new tradition in honor of your birthday. It involves one of your favorite treats....ice cream.

Last year Leo was not yet one so we opted for frozen yogurt instead. This year we are going to celebrate true Poppa style with the real thing. Vanilla ice cream with chocolate fudge swirl in a waffle cone with jimmies on top. We'll tell Leo stories about his big Poppa and show him pictures. We will do this every year on April 27th, no matter where we are to celebrate you; a gentle giant with a big heart, who's spirit still lives with us today. Happy Birthday Poppa. You were & are so very loved. I hope you are up there eating a huge cannoli & washing it down with some coffee milk.

Posted by Dawn Falcone @ 10:35 AM 11 comments